To write in the voice of someone else may be the most difficult assignment so far. Lying was far more easy. My first thought was to just start quoting politicians, like Madame, Thats my pet name for Hillary. I have heard we shouldn’t mention her on the Internet because Goggle sees it and raises her ranking in the trends. My guess is Goggle will not read my words before she is either president or dead, not that I wish either to reach with any haste. It would be wonderful if she never experience either, although with all due respect I do expect her to be unable to avoid the latter. Part of why I am not a supporter of her candidacy is the uncomfortable feeling that she seems to feel deep down inside that if she is president she will be able to avoid the latter. No doubt there is good in her heart, somewhere, but she reminds me of Caesar more than Lincoln or any other “Good” president.
Well it seems I have already failed this assignment, these words sound far too much like my own voice to be someone else. But are they really “my” voice? Isn’t my voice really the voice of the voice I have heard and remembered? In which case I would hope you are hearing a little John Steinbeck, Ernest Hemingway, Maybe a little Kurt Vonnegut, John Irving. If I am really doing well even a little Jesus Christ and Hunter Thompson, but without the foul language or holy insight. More than anything I probably sound like Scott Foresman, the author of the “Dick And Jane” series of books. These are probably the first books I read in first grade. I don’t think people tried to teach kids to read before kindergarten, or even first grade. I remember pretty clearly the room I was in and the teacher to started teaching us to read and it was first grade. It is easy for me to remember because it was the first time an adult had walked up to me and lifted me out of my chair by my ear lobe. It did not feel good and she seemed to be smiling yet she was clearly unhappy. In her defense while I was only six years old most likely I was already channeling Hunter Thompson, not his prose, just his attitude. Some gifts just come naturally to the lucky, the rest of us call them a curse….until we turn them into cash and influence then we bow and say what took you so long.
I pick up some pearls from Dick and Jane. Write simple ideas. Use short sentences. Smile and wear clean clothes, even when you don’t want too. Make your mom happy, she makes dinner. And pie. When you make a friend, its for life. When you make an enemy you have made a future friend otherwise your mom will not make pie. Dogs are fun, but they cause a lot of trouble.
To this day I don’t understand how so many generations of kids learned to read given we started so late in life. Or why so many kids today have not discovered the joy of imagining the world in their own minds rather than in an electronic devise. What I do remember more than my sore ear was how much fun life was before she pulled my ear and how much more committed I became to continue having fun while avoiding having my ear pulled again.
I failed in my second goal, but did pretty good with the first.